What to Say (and What Not to Say) to a Family Going Through Pediatric Cancer

Matthew Schuller
May 12
3 min read

A woman holds a baby, looking shocked. A man gestures, appearing concerned. They're indoors with beige curtains in the background.

A pediatric cancer diagnosis affects every part of a family's life—emotionally, physically, and socially. Friends, coworkers, and extended relatives often want to help, but don’t always know what to say. Words meant to comfort can sometimes land wrong or unintentionally cause pain. The difference between meaningful support and well-meaning missteps usually comes down to empathy and thoughtful communication.

What Families Need Most: Presence Over Platitudes

When a child is going through treatment, families are doing everything they can to hold things together. They don’t need solutions. They need support. Being present—without trying to fix or cheerlead—is often the most helpful thing anyone can offer.

Helpful things to say:

"I'm here for you, whatever you need."
"That sounds incredibly hard. I'm so sorry you're going through this."
"Can I help with anything specific this week—meals, errands, childcare?"
"You don’t have to go through this alone."

These statements acknowledge reality without putting pressure on the family to respond a certain way. They create space, not expectations.

What Not to Say: When Words Do More Harm Than Good

People often reach for comfort and end up causing discomfort instead. Certain phrases, no matter how well-intended, can come off as dismissive or tone-deaf.

Avoid saying things like:

"Everything happens for a reason."
"At least it's not [insert other condition]."
"God only gives special children to strong parents."
"I know someone who went through this, and they're fine now."
"Stay positive!"

One of the most painful moments the writer personally witnessed came when their niece was diagnosed with cancer. Someone said to the child's mother, "Well, you're still young, you can always have another child." That kind of remark isn't just inappropriate—it strips a unique child of their humanity and reduces them to something replaceable. Words like that stay with people, and not in a good way.

Even spiritual or hopeful phrases can put pressure on families to perform strength or gratitude. Sometimes they just need room to be heartbroken.

Offer Help That Doesn’t Add Work

"Let me know if you need anything" is a kind gesture, but it puts the burden on the family to figure out how you can help. Instead, be specific.

Helpful actions might include:

Dropping off a meal or sending a food delivery gift card
Driving siblings to school or after-school activities
Mailing a handwritten note or small care package
Coordinating work coverage if a parent needs time off

Little things add up. When offered without expectation, they remind families they’re not facing this alone.

Know When to Step Back

Some families want to talk. Others don't. Follow their lead. If they don’t answer texts right away or politely decline help, respect their space. What matters more than a big gesture is quiet, steady support over time.

Support Starts with Listening

Sometimes, the best way to show up is to say less. Let them talk. Let them cry. Let them be silent. When people feel heard—without judgment or pressure—they feel supported.

If you don’t know what to say, say so. A gentle "I'm here for you" can mean more than a dozen rehearsed lines.

How to Do More

Want to support families beyond your immediate circle? Jacie’s Kids works directly with families facing pediatric cancer and welcomes year-round support.